Best Intentions
by A Wanderer in the Snow
Summary: An evolving story of a few words and a hug.
1. Reverie

**Reverie** \- _massively assuming_

* * *

The Common Room said a lot about the Head Boy and Girl, she thought, thinking back over the years and her predecessors. Some years it had clearly been the go-to place for Seventh Years, making it crowded and noisy for those wanting to forget about upcoming exams and career paths. Some years it was a haven for the studious; escaping noisy House Common Rooms, or the incessant rustling of the library for some joint revision away from Madame Pince and boisterous younger years. Last year it had been barely used, neither Head Boy or Girl had wanted to be seen as thinking themselves above the rest by having a personal Common Room.

For her though it was something of a sanctuary, away from the close confines of the rest of the castle, the looks, the chatter, the gossip and general idle bustle that accompanied school life. She had never expected to be Head Girl, she had hoped though… she had imagined it as a space to get away from everyone. She hadn't counted on the Head Boy though.

To say it had been a shock, would be an understatement, doubly so when she realised that the rumours were true. Of course there were still mutters about _that_ , and apparently people were still putting bets on how long it would be before one or other of them had some kind of breakdown.

It had been a cruel joke at first. It couldn't have been anything else.

But James Potter was Head Boy and she, Lily Evans, couldn't do anything about it.

A year ago it would have been very different, actually, no, a year ago she would have reacted in exactly the same way; disbelief, giving way to anger, giving way to frustration and continuing disbelief. She had been through all that now and had reached a point of enduring resignation.

She shuffled back and pulled her legs up onto the huge sofa, watching the flickering play of light from the fire. But then a year ago she hadn't even started going out with James Potter, she hadn't seen another side to the arrogant brat who stalked the halls like some kind of self-righteous inquisitor, raining misfortune on those who caught his attention for the wrong reasons. A year ago she hadn't very publicly broken up with him and been praised and ridiculed in varying parts for it. Yet now, she was alone in a room with him, sharing a sofa with him, her ex-boyfriend, and somehow that was alright.

Yes, it had been difficult, she had shed tears on more than one occasion since the start of the year, for more than one reason. Unfairness, tiredness, shame, self-loathing, laughter and even relief. James and his friends had been the cause of many of those occasions, but she had too.

She had learnt from them as well, about friendship and loyalty, as well as secrecy and fanaticism.

What she hadn't learnt much about, were the boys themselves.

The James Potter whom she had gone out with was not the same boy who laughed with Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew while poking fun at Remus Lupin. It was when she finally realised that the boy she was going out with was very nearly a complete stranger that things began to go downhill.

It was strange, she had never expected her Seventh Year to start like this.

Now she was used to coming in to find Remus asleep on the sofa during a free lesson, looking as though someone had clocked him round the head with a Cleansweep. She had realised that despite James and Sirius lobbing a quaffle at each other across the room at high speed there was very little chance of it hitting anything other than their hands and she had accepted that if anything did get broken it really could just be fixed in an instant. She had spent time with Emmeline in the armchairs flanking the giant sofa, gently passing the same quaffle back and forth as they tested each others Charms knowledge. She had come in once to find Peter holder up at James' desk, poring over a textbook and scribbling notes so intently that he nearly fell off the chair when she said hello.

She flinched as fingers grazed the back of her neck and gently run through her hair. She glanced over, indignant and wondering, quite honestly, what the hell he thought he was doing. She had been pulled out of her musings and been dumped unceremoniously into a memory of him doing something very similar on a sofa at his pa- his house as they talked quietly and watched the model planetarium drift around a miniature sun. But with that glance she realised he had no idea what he was doing.

His fingers ran from the nape of her neck to the top of her skull and she shivered involuntarily, deliciously. The hand was snatched away and suddenly he was staring at her, embarrassed and apologetic, 'Oh, Merlin, I'm sorry Lily! I didn't even realise- I swear!'

She smiled, a little sadly and said, 'That's alright, I know…'

The look in his eyes calmed and drifted more towards confusion, before he abruptly apologised again and turned back to his textbook and shifted into comfier position.

She watched him for a moment, feeling strangely empty, almost as though she wasn't really in the room, 'You can keep going if you want.' She said quietly.

He eyes snapped up to meet hers, flicking from left to right and back again. He smiled slowly, disingenuously and said, 'Nah, it's alright, I'm just distracting you. I didn't mean to.'

'Oh, okay.'

His attention faded away from her again and she was left alone on the sofa, her reverie shattered.

* * *

A/N: _The first snippet of what should be a relatively short, but hopefully fun view of James and Lily's Seventh Year, consider this an alternative to Trust as found at my profile page. The first two stories do not need to be read, but consider them helpful background material. Thank you!_


	2. Letters

**Letters** \- _overly suspicious_

* * *

It was another one of their stupid jokes.

It had to be.

They knew how much she had wanted it. _He_ knew. She had been stupid enough to tell him, to confide, to pour out her heart.

She read the letter again. She looked at the shiny badge in her hand. She read the letter again and tried not to cry, shaking her head as if she could tell the tears not to come.

She didn't know whether to laugh or curse or spit.

That was the problem; it was all so horribly plausible.

It was too easy to forge a signature, and she was sure they could get hold of a badge. But the _name_ , the name beside Head Boy. That was too much to take.

She closed her eyes, lay down and hugged her pillow. The hardest thing was that it was her fault.

* * *

James looked at the piece of metal that had slid into his hand, 'Padfoot, you're a twat,' he said, lobbing it easily across the room and into the bin.

Sirius looked up, 'What?'

'That wasn't funny, not in the slightest,' he said grimly, going back to staring out of the window.

'What?' Sirius asked again, pulling the bin towards him to see what James had thrown, 'Bloody Hell, Prongs!'

James didn't so much as blink, 'Leave it, Padfoot.'

But he bent and picked the badge out the scraps of bubblegum paper nestling in the bin.

'I said, Leave it,' James ordered, anger suddenly rising in his voice, 'It wasn't funny,' he said tensely, though gritted teeth.

'Mate, I didn't send it, none of _us_ would,' Sirius replied, concern breaking through for the first time.

James' head turned slowly and he stood up, anger burning off him, the empty mug he been drinking from earlier shattered.

Sirius stared, James was pulling out his wand, slowly enough to show he meant to use it.

'ENOUGH! James yelled, his face red, his eyes bloodshot, 'I've had ENOUGH!'

Sirius very nearly asked if he was doing a Remus impression, but he kept his mouth closed and his thoughts to himself.

'James…' he began quietly, but James was already striding across the room and slamming the door behind him.

He was gone.

Tears slowly made their way down Sirius' face.

A moment later a large shaggy black dog jumped up onto the sofa, turned around twice and then curled up in a ball.


	3. Revelation

**Revelation** \- _terrifying honesty_

* * *

The train pulled away through a fog of smoke and steam, heading North. A red-headed girl, a young woman really, already in her school uniform marched down the train, heading for the front and the Prefect's Compartment.

Lily Evans was about to start her Seventh and final year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Over the summer holidays she had received a letter from the Headmaster himself, Albus Dumbledore, inviting her to be Head Girl. In itself that was incredible, she wasn't sure who the last Muggleborn Head of School had been, or if there had been one. She should have been excited, she should have been ecstatic, but she hadn't even told her parents.

The problem was the other person the letter mentioned, the person who would be Head Boy, and it couldn't possibly be him. It _couldn't_ be.

Instead of celebrating, she had cried herself to sleep. When her parents had asked her what was wrong, she had told them she was feeling ill. When her Mum asked her if it had anything to do with that boy she had been seeing last year, she shook her head and gave her a false smile and said no. Later she went back to her room and cried all the harder.

It couldn't possibly be him.

But with Professor Dumbledore, it wasn't impossible, it was only improbable.

Was she even really Head Girl or was she being set up for some horrible, humiliating joke. It had happened before.

Now, she strode down the train, a silver badge emblazoned 'HG' tucked in her pocket and a hundred fears of what would happen if he really was Head Boy.

It was exactly the sort of thing he would do; just mess about with her head until she put on the badge and embarrassed herself when that stuck-up Lily Evans really thought the Headmaster would pick a filthy little mudblood like her to be Head Girl. But then, if she she really was Head Girl, the person who really ought to know, would be her. It was an impossible situation to be in.

She wanted to scream.

James Potter the egotistical, insincere, dehumanising, unappreciative bastard, was screwing her around before she had even set eyes on him, let alone got to school, just by existing. How she _hated_ him.

The best part was he hadn't even been a Prefect.

But she still had to go to the Prefect's Compartment, there was going to be a meeting after all.

Yes, she had tentatively asked Alice and Marlene to find out if Ysobel Greengrass or Fran Treaton had got Head Girl, before she told them herself. And no, they had asked around and the answer had been that they hadn't. Or Potter had got to them first, Ysobel probably wouldn't have lied to Alice, they were cousins after all, but Fran didn't particularly like Lily and could have been keeping it quiet.

She glanced into compartments as she passed, she wasn't looking forward to seeing Lupin either. Not after her revelation near the end of last year…

* * *

She'd been revising for their end of year exams and had been finding more and more that subjects were crossing over with each other; she pulled out her OWL Astronomy notes to check planet cycles that correlated with Hermitic Bloodvine blooming patterns and had been flicking through when her finger slipped because Pettigrew had managed to bounce a piece of shortbread off the back of her head. Crumbs had gone everywhere, mostly in her hair and she had looked up to see Pettigrew red-faced as Black made him walk over and kneel down and beg for her forgiveness, which in itself had been more irritating than getting hit in the first place. Potter had been reclining in his traditional spot in front of the fire, having turfed a couple of third years out of the way so he could have 'his' spot and Lupin was nowhere to be seen.

By the time she had managed to get back to her work she had to spend a couple of minutes trying to work out what she had been doing; her astronomy notes were open at the moon cycle calendar. She scanned down, looking for clues as why this was relevant to Bloodvine and realised with a little satisfaction that her dates for full moon had been spot on, speaking of which it should be visible now if she looked out the window.

Smiling to herself at a job well done and congratulating Fifth Year Lily she wandered over the window, narrowly avoiding another shortbread missile that shattered across George Hill's forehead and looked out to see that the Full Moon was indeed up. She leant her forehead against the cool glass and closed her eyes, trying to block out the slightly outraged cries behind her as Hill retaliated with part of a stale cauldron cake someone had left out.

She sighed and headed back to her table, clearing up her books before the Common Room descended into yet another 'exam stress-relieving food frenzy' that the Potter and his cronies were so keen on this year. She made to the stairs to the dormitories before she again wondered where Lupin was, the library was closed by now and she knew he didn't like studying in the boys' dorms. Then she remembered, she'd seen him on his way to McGonagall's Office earlier to Floo home; he went home once a month to see his Mum who had some kind of chronic (and maybe terminal) illness. She had never been sure and he didn't like answering questions about it, all she knew was the whenever he came back he looked knackered and stressed out like he hadn't slept. Nearly, no, always around full moon.

Suddenly, like puzzle pieces fitting together she had seen it; the whole picture and she understood why… God, if… she wondered when it had happened. It must have happened when he was really young, before he came to school, and she had never seen his Mum at the platform in Kings Cross. It must be so scary.

She couldn't imagine the kind of effect it would have on her if _her_ Mum had been a werewolf.

No wonder he always looked tired when he came back, he was probably up all night worrying about her, no wonder his Dad had grey hair already.

If his Mum was ill and it was chronic, no doubt incurable, and he went home every full moon to see her, of course she was a werewolf! She felt a rush of pity and suddenly to her the full moon wasn't a beautiful or romantic sight anymore, it was a terrible thing, an event which ruined some peoples' lives.

She looked back across the room just in time to see Potter neatly catch a thrown chocolate frog, a massive grin on his face, how could they not know? No, they must know, she had heard them talking about times they had stayed at Remus' house… Disgust rushed up her throat like bile at the thought that Remus was somewhere listening to his mother scream at the moon, while they, they threw food at each other.

* * *

 **A/N** : _couldn't help myself, been wanting to do a response to all the 'Lily's so smart, she must know Remus is werewolf' stories you see on here. Honestly, if someone goes home once a month since they were eleven, I think it would be so ingrained that people would just stop questioning and forget about it/accept it as the done thing. Apologies if that comes across like a rant, hope you enjoyed!_


	4. Wrongs

**Wrongs** \- _horrific bitch_

* * *

Stepping into the Prefect's Compartment felt like last year all over again. Potter or Black or one of them, it didn't really matter who, had uncovered an old charm from medieval times. It had been a virtue charm, in this case _physical_ virtue… as in, was the girl it was being cast on still a virgin? If they were, they were surrounded by a soft nimbus of white light, if they weren't… you got a dull red glow. Neither of which was easily visible to the person it had been cast on. It wore off after a minute or so, but it only took a few days for people to catch on to why various girls were suddenly glowing as they walked down the corridor, sat down for dinner, walked into class late… there were a hundred ways it could be embarrassing.

She had seen it first when she abruptly noticed that Marlene seemed to be giving off a weird red light as they walked from Charms to Transfiguration, then she had heard Black laughing raucously and saying, 'That proves it! Ten galleons, Prongs!'

Two days later, half the school knew Marlene had lost her virginity to Benjy Fenwick, that Tamsin Greene wasn't as easy as everyone said, that Syd Tollip had been lying when he'd told everyone he'd slept with Cici Harper and that Elaina Nott really was _that_ frigid. Then Lily had walked into Potions late and people had started sniggering and Slughorn didn't even acknowledge her presence, instead, going slight more red in the cheeks than he usually was and concentrated on writing on the board.

It took her all of five seconds to stick a hand out and see that faint red glow, and the knowledge that she, Lily Evans, wasn't a virgin was available to the whole class and Professor Slughorn! Oh god! Oh, the shame! She wanted to run out. She wanted to curl up and cry. She wanted the floor to open up and swallow her. She wanted Avery to stop leering at her. She wanted Gemma Bowkiss to stop whispering to Tamsin.

* * *

Walking into the Prefect's Compartment felt like that.

People went quiet, conversations stopped. For some unknown reason she caught Lupin's eye, of course he was already there, but it wasn't a welcoming smile on his face, just cool appraisal. She hated it. She hated that they had all turned their backs after what had happened.

She walked to the centre of the compartment, surreptitiously keeping an eye out for any other badges that had an 'HG' on them and trying to count if the right number of female Prefects were there. Ysobel Greengrass turned and said something to her brother, who nodded and nudged Evan Rosier.

This was it, either she was about to make a massive fool of herself or she really was-, 'So!' she said brightly, trying to smile at everyone, 'Now-'

'Where's the Head Boy?' Corina Selwyn asked loudly, obnoxiously.

 _Bitch._ Was Lily's immediate thought. But Lupin was the one who replied.

'He's ill,' he said shortly, and that was that.

There was a brief silence as Lily tried to recoup where she had been about to begin.

'Now,' she started again, 'I thought we'd start by just saying-'

The compartment door rattled open.

Lily turned, irritated at being interrupted for a second time, about to tell whoever it was to simply piss off. But she couldn't, because it was James Potter and pinned to his school robes were two silver badges, the first initialled 'QC', the second 'HB'.

'Sorry I'm late, guys,' he grinned, his face tightening into a more neutral expression as he turned to face her, 'Evans.'

Then he shut the door and people began to look at each other, James _Potter_ was really Head Boy? Several people threw Rosier desperate looks, as though expecting him to lean forward and say it was joke, it was prank, and he was actually Head Boy, no need to worry.

Caradoc Dearborn actually said it out loud, 'You've got to be joking!'

James shrugged, 'Apparently not this time, mate,' as he made his way over to stand next to her. Then he just launched into it as though she wasn't there, like she didn't matter, 'I'm afraid I don't have a huge amount of experience in how these things go, but I've drawn up a preliminary timetable for patrols for the first few days and I've got a list of people on duty for the rest of the train ride.'

Lily tried to not to stare, as he smoothly took control and told everyone what would happen, how it would happen and what exactly he expected of them.

'I thought it best if we pair off the new Fifth Year prefects with a Sixth Year, so you can get the hang of what you'll be doing. Sixth Years, if a punishment needs to be handed out, I expect you to let the Fifth Years be the ones doing the actual dishing out. No favours to Houses or friends.'

He brandished a roll of parchment, 'Here's the duty list for the rest of the train ride, I know you guys probably want to see your mates so we'll keep it brief now and have a meeting tomorrow night in the Head's Common Room to sort out the rest of the schedule. Sixth and Seventh Years you can go, we'll just get the Fifth Years briefed for now.'

He tossed the roll of parchment to Caradoc and said, 'Right, Dom and Iona, you're up first, eleven til twelve, I know its a bugger but its got to be done. Caradoc's got the rest of the list, so check with him outside. I've kept them to an hour each so you're not too bored by the end.'

And just like that people began to file out, a couple congratulating her and James on their appointments, some expressing amazement, but most happy that they weren't going to have to sit and listen to the Fifth Years get briefed when they wanted to catch up with friends.

Lily was furious. What was Dumbledore thinking?

He turned to her, 'Congratulations by the way, you deserve it a lot more than I do.'

He sounded genuine, even if his eyes looked a little bloodshot.

That was the problem though, he always sounded genuine, right up until the moment everyone knew he had slept with you, including Professor Slughorn.

It was so James Potter it was unreal. Tall and pale and handsome, windswept black hair, well-dressed, intelligent, rich, Special Award for Services to the School and Quidditch Captain. Now he could Head Boy to his list of achievements.

Just standing there, Lily felt second rate.

It felt like a little bubble of silence had surrounded them. She realised she should probably say something. But she had absolutely nothing to say.

'Are you really Head Boy?' she blurted out and immediately wished she hadn't.

His head tilted to the side slightly and he looked at her with a puzzled expression for a moment before realisation dawned, along with the implications, 'You thought it was a joke too? Because I was the other name,' he said answering his own question. The he looked down at his feet and she heard a word she had never heard him say before, 'Sorry.'

'I know you don't think I deserve this, Evans,' he began, 'don't try and say otherwise. I don't; it's a fact. But, what I do want to ask is; can we forget the past and let bygones be bygones. We both know it's going to be a hard year and we need to be able to work together,' he said practically, almost amicably.

Lily had thought she was over James Potter until a few weeks ago and the annual letter from Hogwarts had been like a sledgehammer on her heart. She had gotten close to him, finally realised he was a genuinely good person, discovered she wanted more than just friendship and then… then… The letter had brought it all back, along with the feeling of abandonment after he had just shut her out; leaving her no opportunity to even and try and begin again. It had been as though he always knew where she was at any given time and avoided her at any cost, though that couldn't have been possible and Lily knew it.

That was the worst part; even though she had never admitted it, it was her fault.

But this? Six years and he was just going to walk in and-

'Who the _hell_ do you think you are!?'

* * *

James stared as her face grew thunderous and he realised what she must be thinking, 'Lily, I-' he tried to stop what was coming, he tried to explain, but it was too late. In desperation he tried to put his hand on her shoulder.

'Don't touch me, you…' she cried, slapping his hand away, 'You arrogant bastard! What on earth makes you think you can just come in here and push me aside like… like- What makes you think you can _treat_ people like this?'

She was shouting now and he was doing all he could to try and stop her, the Fifth Years were staring at them and the rest had crowded back round the door to watch.

'Lily! It's not-'

'How could you do this? I didn't even tell my parents that I'd been made Head Girl, you could have sent me a letter, you could have told Dumbledore you didn't want it, because you're right! You don't deserve it!

You're arrogant and cruel and horrible and how could Dumbledore make such a god-awful mistake? I can't believe that I ever thought you were better than this! What the _fuck_ did your parents ever do to deserve you? WHAT DID _I_ DO?'

She screamed at him, years of frustration and anger and guilt.

* * *

Something in his demeanour stiffened.

Immediately, Lily regretted her words, but they had come out and they weren't going to be unsaid. He stood taller, his pupils contracted with rage and the fingers of his right hand twitched, making her glance down. For half a second she thought he was about to curse her. His jaw trembled with some great strain and suddenly she was genuinely afraid that he was going to hurt her; not emotionally, but literally, physically hit her.

It built up and up and up, his breathing increasing and becoming ragged until she thought he was about to explode.

Then he let out a long breath and turned to the Fifth Years, 'We'll get you caught up on duties tomorrow. I think we-'

But it was too much for her, she was trembling as tears and disappointment and embarrassment welled up inside her; tears of regret, disappointment that she had ever thought more of him and embarrassment about what she had just done. She wished she had never read that stupid letter, never seen that stupid badge, never heard of James bloody Potter. She stepped around him and pushed her way out through the door as the tears came pouring out.

No doubt he and his friends were having a right old laugh at her expense.


	5. Expression

**Expression** \- _terrifying honesty_

* * *

It ran down the train like wildfire, leaping from mouth to ear, to compartment to carriage.

Ysobel Greengrass pulled the door back and leant into a compartment, 'Alice, did you hear about- oh, nevermind, I'll see you later!'

She retreated as quickly as she could. You could hardly ask if someone had heard about what the Head Girl had just said to the Head Boy when the Head Girl was currently crying on that person's shoulder.

And Lily was still crying because she had just tried to go to the toilet at the end of the carriage to clean her face up, but Sirius Black and had been waiting there and told her everything she needed to know.

He'd been leaning against the wall but stood up straight to block the narrow corridor when she tried to pass, she hadn't even really registered who it was until he did so.

'Well,' he said, by way of greeting, 'if it isn't snivelling little Lily, the Head Girl who isn't afraid to speak her mind.'

'What do you want?' she asked, trying not to let him see how blotchy her face was.

'Just see if you knew? See, James always sees the best in people and he says you can't have known, but me? I reckon you're just as cruel now as when you broke his heart. Admittedly, I didn't think you were that heartless, but,' he shrugged in a friendly way, 'even I underestimate people sometimes.'

'What do you mean?' she asked in a small voice, still looking at the floor.

'Oh, come on, Evans, you're better than that. Own up and let the world see what you really are.'

'I don't know what you mean,' she told him, trying to step round.

He blocked her.

'Merlin, Evans, it was on the front page of Prophet. Not the main headline of course, but if was there at the bottom, even you can't have missed it.'

She looked up at him, his grey eyes seemed brighter than usual.

'I don't read the Prophet,' she told him truthfully. She didn't. She couldn't afford to spend that amount every day, the wizarding newspaper was a lot more expensive than a muggle newspaper.

He looked at her, eyes moving from her left to her right and back again, 'And no one told you?'

'Told me what?'

His eyes were weirdly bright.

He snorted, 'I don't know why I even bother, you can't make a comment like that and _not_ know.'

'Know what, Black!?' she asked loudly, angrily, fed up.

'His parents are dead!' He told her, just as loudly.

'I- Wha-? That's not poss- How did-? Oh my god…' she went from questioning, to denial, to acceptance in a few seconds. That was why he had bloodshot eyes, that was why he had nearly hit her after her outburst, that was why Black's eyes were so bright; they were full of tears. And she, she had a go at him and brought up his dead parents.

But she had seen them at the start of the holidays, they had been fine, she had seen Black and Potter practically swamp Mrs Potter in a huge joint hug, she had heard her delighted cry of, 'My boys!'

She swallowed, nervous and afraid of what she had done, 'How?' she asked calmly, 'When?'

'August the eleventh, his Mum went first,' he told her, 'Dyscratic cerebritus. Nothing they could do, not with all the magic in the world.'

Lily stared numbly at him for a moment, remembering how James' Dad had joked and smiled and his Mum had hugged her and kissed her cheek, how they had made her welcome in their home. How could she have said _that_ to him.

He didn't deserve that. They didn't deserve it. She turned and walked away from Sirius Black, there was no point going to wash her face, the tears were just coming back. She went back to her compartment and fell on Alice's bewildered shoulder and cried some more.

For her. For him. For them.

* * *

James was slumped against the window when Sirius appeared again. Remus was watching James out of the corner of his eye and Peter was chewing his fingernails, nervous and unsure of what to do. Remus looked at his watch, stood up and left.

Sirius slid the door shut after him. He had known for a long time what would happen; longer than any of the others. It had had started badly and ended worse.

'She didn't know, Prongs.'

James didn't move. He just kept staring out as drizzle began to fleck the glass.

'She's going to have to talk to you at some point, she'll apologise. She didn't mean it.'

James sniffed and turned to him, his eyes were rimmed with red and his skin seemed to be losing its colour, 'You don't get it, do you. It's not about her; I couldn't care _less_ about her.'

'That's not true,' Peter suddenly blurted out.

' _Shut_ up, Peter.' Sirius snarled.

Peter actually flinched away from him, such was the vicious anger in his friend's eyes.

'I don't care about any of this. I just want _them_ back.'

His voice cracked as he finished the sentence and Sirius was there, arm around his friend as he lost control.

* * *

'You can't stay in here for ever, Lily,' Laura told her kindly, 'after all, it's only words!'

Maybe it was only words, but sometimes words could hurt and hurt more than any physical damage. Why hadn't- there was no point thinking like that. What had happened had happened and it was not going to change.

But maybe, maybe an apology might help. Because he had tried to make amends with her, even if she hadn't thought it good enough, hadn't thought that he had meant it. But he had, because she was wrong and Black was right; he had always seen the best in people and once upon a time she had thrown that back in his face.

He just didn't make sense to her. He could be so gentle and kind and helpful and polite and friendly, but he could just be so cruel as well. He could hurt her without even thinking. How could he not see that?

But she knew she was wrong, so she sniffed and wiped her eyes one last time, stood up and went to apologise.

* * *

Remus watched James sleeping, head resting back against the top of the seat where Sirius had gently moved it to stop him banging his forehead off the window as the train swayed. Peter and Sirius were now engaged in an epic chess battle; epic in the fact that ten moves in Peter still hadn't lost. Remus looked up from his book as he saw a figure appear at the door; it was Lily, she looked a mixture of terrified and stricken. Remus smiled sadly and shook his head at her; mouthing, 'He's asleep.'

Lily just gave him a red-eyed nod and disappeared again.

Remus wondered what she had been going to say to James; obviously it would have been an apology and then he wondered how James would have taken it. With an incredible amount of indifference probably, considering his current state; even sleeping he looked terrible, nothing like Prongs who planned ridiculous pranks and led the Gryffindor Quidditch team to glory. It was foreboding start to the year and despite the warm compartment Remus suddenly shivered. Sirius looked up quizzically.

'Heard a banshee.' he said and Sirius shrugged.

He tried to start reading his book again, but gave up as Peter lost spectacularly.

'Game, Moony?' Sirius asked, noticing Remus' lack of concentration on his reading.

'Why not?'


End file.
